Moving Forward.....

So the doors to Georgetown is closed at the moment, and I can finally move on to my next endeavor. I don't know where to begin, but I may end of jumping onto a campaign. Maybe help Marilyn in Tacoma and Justin with Mallahan's campaign? Regardless, I need to finish my last five credits for UW.

Reading Dreams from My Father has kept me stable and hoping for the past month. I wonder where my own dad is, if he ever had the intention of looking for his children. Regardless, I will see him one day, but not until I am ready--stable, finished with school and when I'm ready to talk to him face-to-face like an adult. I wonder how life would be now if I hadn't met the Senator? I would have another direction, probably, but my interest in politics would still be there. What has he altered? My confidence in my faith? The desire to find my father? To reconcile? To aspire? I am beginning to get tired of hiding from my extended family. I dreamt that I was at a Korean restaurant with Hannah. I walked in and I was speaking English to Hannah and the hostess grabbed my hand and began insulting me. I said in Korean that the way she was treating me was unfair but her grip on me became stronger and I wriggled to free myself from her prying hands.

Maybe this is a precursor, a premonition? I need to prepare myself, but how do you fully prepare for rejection? No person is ever ready to be rejected. The greatest example of perseverance amongst adversity that I know of is Jesus, with Mandela in a close second. I thought I had it all figured out...Georgetown, coming out to family, and then moving on with my life. I guess the Divine had other plans. If there is one thing I ask, it is for him to transform the pain and loneliness into a commitment, where the experience becomes a mandate for good, the trajectory for ambition and objective. The dream may be a premonition, but the lesson is not to fear rejection but rather to embrace it, for rejection will refine my goals and transfix my vision for humanity.

No more..

Mr. Obama,

Please invest more in clean technology. $150 billion is a start but we need that each year. Also, give Berlusconi and Klaus a big pat on the back and tell them to retire.


Sincerely,

David

Resilience

Does it come naturally/free flowing from the tip of my tongue/to the depths of my soul
chopped/blocked/blotched/it gives way
to free rhythm/raw and unstained.

I came in this cafe to intentionally vent on my blogspot, but I'm already exhausted. The black girl's soul is full of contradictions and maybe because of that's what attract me to the Beauty. The way her Grace is mixed with her internal repressions. Maybe it's just resilience--the fact that she cannot be evaluated, understood by the general eye. Don't doubt me, I don't know what if feel like to be black in America, but I too come from a different angle--being the son of immigrants and a gay Asian American. Those three words do not confine me, they refine me.

"perhaps for the final time, that notions of purity--of race or of culture--could no more serve as the basis for the typical black American's self esteem than it could for mine. Our sense of wholeness would have to arise from something more fine than the bloodlines we'd inherited." Dreams from my Father (204)

That race or culture is an excuse to the problems of minorities has a hidden meaning. A black women going into a Korean hair product shop and being stared at is a deeper, more philosophical way of saying,"I'm as inundated by media's portrayal of blacks as the next person," or "looking at you is something that is socially constructed and I don't mean to, but shoot, I have my own language barrier to deal with and I don't want to be taken advantage of either." These are the words that are so often exchanged in the subtle gestures of the every day minority.

Yet, commonalities bridge differences. Instead of a glance, what about a "herro" in broken Korean English or a smile from the University student who's shopping? Doesn't the subtlest of gestures break the tension of the moment--builds trust?

To collect my thoughts I have commonalities I share with others. The Asian 'other-ness', the tingle of joy we feel every time a young lesbian couple expresses their affections as any normal couple does in the middle of the street, of the sadness when we see a child and reality hits us--I can't legally have one with my partner. The sadder we are, the more cohesive our goals become because they are ingrained in our struggles, our perseverance, our resilience.

Prague...Week 3

My time here has been so far a mixture of personal conflicts and academic growth. The classes on post-Commuism are intriguing, especially since many of the leaders involved in the revolutions are still alive. The president is considered a closet-gay and is an controversial internationally for his views on anti-global warming.

I've been on a rigorous workout regime this past week...five days. The gym is a stress reliever but more importantly, it releases negative attitudes I have been carrying throughout the day. Yesterday was a peculiar case because I met Adrian. We locked eyes for ten seconds and during transitions onto other workout machinery, we locked eyes several other times. There was a lot of testosterone in that room. Afterwards I went to the locker room and he followed me inconspicuously. Right behind me, he took off his clothes and I went to go wash up...then someone else appeared!

I left, got a protein shake at the bar and waited for Adrian to come out. Out of the gym, I formally introduced myself and we rode the tram to TESCO, a shopping mall where I gave him my card and told him to stay in contact. He was from Slovakia working as a civil engineer in Prague. Anyway, I was relieved he spoke some English.

Slavek works for the Ministry of Foreign Affairs in Prague. Very articulate, clean cut, and intelligent, he gives tours on his free time to make some extra cash. We had discussions on gay rights, feminism, China's censorship and human rights abuses and his trepidation about Chinese overpopulation! The Czech Republic is a non-religious country where seventy percent of its population claim to be agnostic or atheist. Thus, there is a strong separation of church and state and more respect for individuality and domestic partnership was passed three years ago.

On a different note, North Korea fired seven ballistic missiles on July 4, a symbolism of defiance against the U.S. for its increased scrutiny and Res. 1874. Either way, the U.S. is importing anti-missile artillery to South Korea for increased security. Kim Jong Un will probably come to power soon, with recent prospects on Jong Il's ailing health.

Speaking of Independence Day, the Korean family on the front of the NY Times this morning reminded me of my family when I was little (given that Joy and I were only toddlers in NYC). The little girl with a headband and two American flags slinging over her head reminded me of Joy and the boy wrapped in his mothers arm reminded me of me. Hope hopeful mom was of the American Dream then, in the midst of her problem and insecurities. I believe that she is for the first time, taking a hopeful look at what America has to offer her through her education. The government is partly funding her to go to school so she feels like her country is investing in her, a feeling which distances itself from most immigrants.

I like to that my country for values we instill in education.